Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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