Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
