I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Randomize
