Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
