I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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