i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
