I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
