It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
