she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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