hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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