College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
