I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
