At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
