my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
