she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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