I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
