I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
