just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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