R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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