She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
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