so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
