Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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