Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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