I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
