I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
