I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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