Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
