I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
