if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
They have beer where we have blood.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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