so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
