I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
