Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
