"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
