Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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