I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
