I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
