you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
