im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
