When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
