is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
