Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
