why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You ate ashes out of my bong
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
