just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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