i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
