my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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