I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
