ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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