So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
