do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
