Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
