she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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