yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
