Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
