Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
